


The Story Written On My Skin

by WordsareBetterthanNumbers



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abandonment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Pining, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Soul Scars, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, soul marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-17 07:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsareBetterthanNumbers/pseuds/WordsareBetterthanNumbers
Summary: "Master Tony, I am sure your father would be very proud," they both know its a lie, "he is sorry he couldn't be here."It is raining outside the theatre, the rain splatting down and wetting everyone's shoes regardless of the umbrellas they are carrying. Tony takes Jarvis's hand and tries to suppress the shiver that goes through his body as the scar-- because they arescars, for Tony, not marks-- settles on the spot right above his navel.





	1. the time before

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the typical soul mark trope but with a twist. The idea is that every time someone says something that is meaningful to your life the words appear somewhere in you body.

> _There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you_
> 
> _-Maya Angelou_

***

Throughout his childhood Tony watched his mother's clothes start to cover up more and more of her milky white skin. Tony, ever curious, had asked the question of why his mother did that over and over until he was given his first words.

The dance studio was large, tainted windows separated him from the world, and the music coming from the dozen different dance rooms filled his ears. He had been set down in the nursery while Maria Stark danced. What, he never found out; only that when he managed to get out of the stuffy and loud room and follow the sound of classical music he ended up watching a ballet class.

Project in his hands forgotten, Tony watched with wonder as the ballerinas twirled, jumped and glided across the floor. For a moment he forgot anything else existed. The illusion was broken when a cold hand grabbed the back of his neck and led him away from the classroom. His mother looked worn out, hair sticking to her forehead with sweat and cheeks tainted red. Her glare was no less scary.

"You can't interrupt classes like that."

He stayed quiet, watching as his mother change her clothes and shoes. Every so often she would turn towards Tony, looking at him and mumbling something under her breath. At last, after she had used wipes and makeup to make Maria Stark the perfect woman the press had gotten to know, she turned to Tony with a raised eyebrow, "Is there something you want to say?"

"I want to dance like them."

Maria frowned, "You want to do ballet?"

"Yes."

She finished applying the last of her lipstick, "What about being like Captain America?"

"He is cool," Tony shrugged, "I think I like ballet better."

"Well," she stood up, smoothing down her coat and extending a hand towards Tony, "you can't dance."

Tony's heart sank, "Why?"

"Because," she took a pause, " _you are Tony Stark._ "

Tony didn't understand what that meant, he didn't understand why Tony Stark couldn't dance. He only knew that his wrist started to tingle, a shiver running down his back. Later that day, he showed his mother the words, and she had smiled.

Two days later a thick leather band had arrived to cover his mother's handwriting.

***

Unlike many people, it doesn't take much longer for his second words to appear on his skin. The handwriting is blocky and thick, but the words aren't etched into a visible part of his body. They are right below his heart, black, bold, and ugly.

" _Scientist, boy. Not a writer, not a musician. You were born to be nothing but a scientist._ "

Tony doesn't cry, he instead goes to his room and builds his first circuit board, trying to tell Howards that he can build _and_ play the violin. Howard laughs with glee when he sees the board and Tony decides that maybe he does want to be a scientist.

***

Tony grows to hate his parents' words, mainly because for the longest of times Maria and Howard's sentences are the only ones that seem to stick to Tony's skin. He has dozens of them now, from the _Obie is one of the most important people in our lives_ , to the, _nobody will fix your mistakes for you._

He is even angrier when the first line that someone else says that gets tattooed into his skin is about Maria and Howard.

He is giving a presentation, the topic at hand is relatively easy for any scientist to comprehend, but he is nine years old, and he is talking about genetic mutations. Any parent would be proud. Any parent would be beaming with adoration for their genius child. Not Maria and Howard, they don't even bother to show up. _You shouldn't be praised for something that's expected from you._

Jarvis is outside the theatre, waiting for him to come out with a sandwich of some kind on his left hand and an umbrella in the right.

"Master Tony, _I am sure your father would be very proud,_ " they both know its a lie, "he is sorry he couldn't be here."

It is raining outside the theatre, the rain splatting down and wetting everyone's shoes regardless of the umbrellas they are carrying. Tony takes Jarvis's hand and tries to suppress the shiver that goes through his body as the scar-- because they are _scars,_ for Tony, not marks-- settles on the spot right above his navel.

He is only nine when for the first time he tries to wash off the words with such dedication that he rips his skin.

***

He is eleven when he realises that he has grown to love building. He loves to create, to make things that work, and turn and, most importantly, that help. That night over dinner is the first time that he turns towards his father and thanks him.

He doesn't know what he is thanking him for, only that when Howard looks at him with a genuine smile on his face Tony feels butterflies in his stomach. Maybe he hates the words on his skin, but that night he tolerates them enough to read them and try to understand why they, above everything anyone has ever said to him, decided to engrave themselves on his skin.

The happiness is shattered the next day when he tells Howard he doesn't want to build weapons when he is older. The glass breaks right above his head, and Tony is so scared he can bearly move.

***

By the time he is fifteen, there is a whole Bible written on him.

There are some lines he hates. Some he cherishes beyond anything material. Some he finds so inconsequential he does not know why they are there in the first place, but for the first time in his life, Tony comes to understand that they are _his_ lines. Only his. No one can take them, no one can erase them, no one can do anything for Tony to lose his lines. _Tony_ can't do anything to lose his lines.

Tony is fifteen, and for the first time in his life, he realises that there is nothing in his life that is truly his besides the words etched on his skin.

He realises this as Jarvis's casket is lowered into the ground and for the first time, Tony is left positively alone.

***

" _You and I are going to be best friends someday, Stark_ ," James Rhodes had been drunk, high, and making a fool of himself on their first night in MIT, " _just you wait and see._ "

"You won't be able to rid yourself of me if that happens."

James Rhodes's eyes widen, and Tony doesn't need to be a genius to understand that James Rhodes was his first soulmate as much as Tony Stark was his.

The words are golden, written over his clavicle, and Tony makes a mental note to show them to the world with pride.

***

Rhodey is at Tony's side through thick and thin.

He is there when Tony develops a liking for alcohol, and becomes too reckless to be left alone for too long. He is there on the nights when work is too much, and someone has to pull Tony away from the numbers and schematics.

He is there when Tony is caught by the press kissing a guy on the back alley of a run-down bar.

By the end of that year, Rhodey was also the only person in the entire world to have seen Tony's words, and Tony is not surprised when Rhodey's ' _Words can be deceiving,_ Tony' gets tattoed on the left side of his ribcage.

But he doesn't believe it. He doesn't want to believe it. He realises then that he more than most needs a lot of guidance. He refuses to accept his constant advice can be deceiving.

***

When Maria and Howard die, nobody is there to pick up the pieces.

Nobody he cares about anyway.

The day had been cold, curse whoever had invented pathetic fallacy, and rain had been falling on the grounds outside his house for hours without end.

There wasn't a police officer who solemnly came to his house, or a horrible phone call coming from some far away hospital which Tony would have to go to arrange the funeral and everything that came with a person's death. Instead, Obidiah Stane showed up in his doorway. A bottle of whiskey in his left hand and an umbrella on his right. He looks at Tony with sad eyes and Tony understand immediately.

" _It looks like it will be you and me against the world_."

That scar comes with pain like he had never known.

***

By the age he is twenty-five, the company has been his long enough for him to be able to run it with little to no inconvenience. That doesn't mean he enjoys doing so.

He enjoys building, creating, and using all of his abilities to the maximum. Under his command Stark Industry grows, turning into what Howard would have wished for it to be and more.

Life is good, life is great actually, and Tony has stopped from hiding the words written on his skin. The public knows, the world knows, and he can feel Maria Stark writhe in her grave. He can hear her soft warnings about not bearing his soul for the world to see, but Tony now knows better. Even if he shares his words, people will never really know what they mean.

Tony is kind of disappointed. He had hoped someone, anyone, would have some answers.

***

Pepper is beautiful, just like he would expect anyone with the words ' _You are going to change the world'_ tattooed on their neck to be.

She is tall, lean, and _perfect_.

Tony is worried when the words ' _Would that be all, Mr Stark?'_ appear on his lower arm. She should not be the soulmate of someone like Tony. Rhodey tells him that that is bullshit, and Tony laughs and laughs until his stomach hurts.

***

The years between meeting Pepper and Afghanistan are the best years in Tony's life.

With Pepper and Rhodey by his side, Tony grows.

Not in the life-changing way that he would do after Afghanistan, but enough that when he is thirty-eight years old and trapped in a cave, there are enough words said by both of his best friends to outnumber the hurtful ones said by his parents. He is grateful beyond measure, and inside the cave, he counts all the phrases in his body over and over until Yinsen tells the Ten Rings he is cured enough to work correctly.

He counts them but still knows that there are some he can't count because he can't see them, and the cave is doing something weird to his brain. He can't remember how many lines he had written on his back, even if the day before the convoy exploded he knew precisely how many there were-- and what they said.

He took off his shirt in a moment of panic and crying asked Yinsen to count them.

"How many are there?"

"Twenty-two."

He breathes a sigh of relief and mentally adds those twenty-two to the thirty he had counted without Yinsen's help. He doesn't put the shirt back on thought, and lets Yinsen's eyes wander curiously across his body, "Why do you need to count them?"

 _'Cause they're mine_ , Tony thinks, ' _cause in the past forty-eight hours everything has been taken away from me, and I need to know that there is something that is still mine._

Instead, he answers, "'Cause it just gave me twenty-two more reasons to get out of here."

 


	2. 2. the time in between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter listening to Queen performing Somebody to Love at Montreal in 1891, listen to that song and thank me later. Freddie Mercury is God.

  

 

>   _If you forget the cameras, its only you and us._
> 
> _\- Freddie Mercury, Montreal 1981_

 

 

> ***

When Tony gets home, he has two new scars.

One is in a foreign language that he doesn’t know, and honestly will not bother to look up cause if there is something he needs is to get away from Afghanistan and the mess it had been.

The other one is from Yinsen.

The words curl around his wrist, the one that had remained clean when the rest of his body had filled with words— Tony can’t bring himself to read them. Logically he knows what they say, his friend’s voice was etched into his brain, the memory painful enough to make him dizzy, but he could never read them.

Maybe one day, a silly part of him thought.

Probably when other, much more painful, words appear, replied the cynical part of his mind.

***

The warning is there, tattooed on his skin like a promise; and Tony should have listened to Rhodey when he said that words can be deceiving.

He had trusted Stane so much just because the words on his skin said that Obadiah Stane was one of the most important people in his life. Tony just didn't think he could be an essential part of Tony's life for entirely different reasons than being a parental figure or a guiding light.

Yes, Stane was important, but just because he shoved him in a cave and forced him to be something more than just Tony Stark, the drunk asshat of Stark Industries.

***

Tony doesn't know why the words curl around the arc reactor the way they do, they burn their way across his skin in ugly and barely legible handwriting.

" _Mr Stark, isn't the arc reactor poisonous?_ "

Reporters often do have the worse handwriting.

***

He is staring, and not because she is beautiful-- well, she is gorgeous, but that has nothing to do with why he is staring-- but because something is drawing Tony to her. Happy tries to get him to look over again and Tony kicks him back, annoyed enough at the odd feeling in his gut to be distracted by Happy.

He turns back to her and finds that her green eyes are already trained on him.

"What's your name, lady?"

The twitch of her eye is nearly invisible, but Tony sees it nonetheless and braces for the warmth that spreads all over his rib cage as she says, " _Rushman. Natalie Rushman."_

Years later he teases Natasha about their soulmark, but for now, he is just glad that he found another reason to add to his ever-growing list of why he needs to get the arc reactor fixed.

***

Later on, when Vanko is already dead, and Tony's life source isn't killing him slowly, he sits Pepper on his couch; giving her a glass of wine and a sad smile.

They talk, it starts light and breezy, and then Tony steers the conversation to a point where he isn't the one taking his shirt off but rather Pepper is. There is nothing sexual about it, but Tony feels like that is the most intimate moment in his life. Pepper gingerly touches the words around the arc reactor and breathe a sigh of relief once Tony has assured her that there is nothing to fear now.

That he isn't in imminent risk of death.

Of course, that is a lie.

Tony is Iron Man now, it is a part of him as much as those words on his skin.

Besides, his ever-growing list of reasons why he needs to be alive is definitely shorter than the reasons why he needs to keep putting his life in danger.

so Pepper's _'I wish that were true'_ feels like something he deserves to have tattooed on his skin.

***

Tony is called once they find Captain America frozen in the ice.

He looks like an Angel in Tony's eyes. Everything about him screams perfection, screams righteousness and kindness. He is everything his father talked about and more.

Tony hates him immediately.

Natasha is beside him, looking at Tony with calculating eyes.

"Don't look so jealous."

Tony glares at her, "I'm not jealous."

"Right."

There are is a second of silence before Tony speaks again, "I mean, I know the serum was made to make him the perfect man, but that was kind of an overkill, wasn't it? I've seen his pictures before the serum and let me tell you he didn't nee-"

"He isn't perfect."

"What do you mean? Of course, he is."

Natasha runs her fingers across the Captain's forearm, the words there are almost faded-- like they had been written days before with Sharpie instead of normal Soul Ink, "I have read all the reports on Steve Rogers. For the most part, he is perfect but, according to him and his doctors, once he got the serum he stopped getting words."

"How is that possible?"

"You are the scientist," Natasha replied, then she stopped touching the Captain and stuffed her hands in her pockets, "That is not even the worst part, one by one he started losing them all."

Tony ran his eyes over the Captain's body, noticing that the only words remaining were the ones in his forearm.

For a second Tony forgot that he was supposed to hate Steve Rogers.

***

Loki comes and flips Tony's world upside down.

Natasha had been telling him that it was no coincidence that they are soulmates, and as always she is right.

But Tony doesn't realise that until the fight is over. There is too much to do, too many things to worry about and not enough time.

Tony is so distracted that he doesn't realise the sheer amount of new words on the side of his ribcage until later on when he lands on his tower. He is looking for Loki, trying desperately to make a plan in which they win without having to needlessly sacrifice themselves.

His ribs sting like hell, and he raises his shirt to asses the damage only to be met with the sight of a whole paragraph of words.

His shock doesn't last much, he can't let it last, because seconds later he sees Loki enter the large room.

***

He goes through the wormhole.

It's terrifying.

He feels like space is going to swallow him whole, or even worse, that the gigantic spaceship that he is seeing will capture him and torture him until he can't remember his own name.

But he is also okay with it because some part of him thinks that the people on the ground--his soulmates -- will be okay.

Then he falls and thank fuck, he likes this alternative better.

***

After the Battle of New York comes what Tony likes to think as The Happiness.

At first, the relationships between the team are strained. They shouldn't be friends, and he knows that. They are too different, their egos and personalities clashing more than they match. But they find a way. Tony likes to think it's because they really do try, but something inside him knows better. They end up matching because that's how its meant to be.

The words on the side of his rib cage are solid proof.

They eventually learn how to live around one another, becoming a team in and out of the field. They have their set of unspoken rules, their assigned roles and their list of things that they can and cannot do around the team. By the time the anniversary for the battle of New York rolls around, they even have a playlist explicitly made for when they are all together.

Tony loves his team, and he likes to think they love him back.

He loves Bruce's company, the way he can take off his permanent filter off and just speak without thinking about making the people around him understand what he is trying to say. Bruce doesn't ask anything from Tony, he just wants company, a friend, so Tony makes sure that the other scientist gets five of them. Bruce's smiles grow with time, and Tony feels his chest fill with warmth.

Natasha is devoted to everything, Tony finds that out of all of them she is the one with the biggest heart. With her is about the little things. The small notes reminding them about their chores for the day. The freshly made coffee and orange juice. Momtasha, he calls her once and finds toothpaste in his orange juice the next morning.

Thor is loud and often has to be taught how to behave, but Tony doesn't mind that. He is intelligent, he is loyal, and he makes everyone laugh. Later on, they find that Thor makes for an excellent common sense filter, thousands of years of wisdom employed to solve the most trivial tasks and problems. Thor ends up being everyone's therapist.

Clint is the most childish of them all. He brings them light, brings them laughter, and brings Tony a fuck ton of work. Arrows are old fashioned, making them requires work, hours of it. But Tony doesn't mind, because Clint is always there to keep him company. And with Clint comes coffee, and sometimes if he is lucky enough food.

The only downside about this family is Steve. The man hangs around so much it's almost impossible to think he doesn't live in the tower like the rest of them. But Steve, for all his Captain America intellect, cannot fathom them wanting to actually have him around 24/7.

***

He doesn't like to be cheesy or sentimental, but he knows he is royally fucked when he ends up working on the team's various gadgets and devices while listening to the playlist. He is distracted, not really paying attention to the words or the song that was playing, but when the door to his labs swishes open, and Steve Rogers is on the doorway, smiling like an idiot, Tony immediately realises he had been singing to Belinda Carter.

"No Black Sabbath?"

"I like to remind myself that bad music exists," He presses a cloth that had been hanging from his back pocket into his face, trying to clean away the sweat only to find himself dirty with grease, "makes me appreciate art much more."

"Right."

"Anyway," Tony shuts the music off with a wave of his hand, "what brings you down here?"

Steve scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, "I'm going home, and I thought I should say goodbye."

"Steve-"

"I know, I have a room here," the other man interrupts, "but you know me."

Tony makes a disapproving noise, "Yeah, I know you and your refusal to be our friend."

"Tony-"

"I'm joking, Steve." He takes three steps until Steve is within arms reach, and manages to only hesitate a second before putting a hand on the super soldier's shoulder, "But seriously, you have to remember that you don't have to sleep in that lonely apartment of yours."

The other man looks like he wants to say something, and for a second Tony thinks that maybe Steve is ready to cave in and sleep for the first time in the Avengers tower.

Then the blond looks down, and Tony's hand and his eyes zero in on the bold black letters around Tony's wrist.

Steve tenses under Tony's touch, and when he looks up again, the billionaire knows that any slim chance that Steve might stay had just been crushed.

"Maybe next time, okay?" Steve pushes Tony's hand away from his shoulder, and with that small movement, Tony catches a glimpse of the place were Steve's words used to be, and how it's now completely empty. "I have to go fix my sink before it floods the apartment."

Tony is left standing in the middle of the lab in silence, looking at the place were Steve had previously been.

"Sir," Jarvis spoke, "do you wish to continue with the music?"

Tony ran his hands down his face, trying and failing not to feel hurt about Steve's rejection.

"Sir?"

"Not right now, Jarvis."

"Very well."

***

It starts out slow.

It's not an all-consuming crush, at first, but rather a soft tug at his heartstrings when Steve enters any room, or the feeling of someone stabbing his heart with a hot knife when he does something that could be considered adorable.

You know, the usual stuff.

But as months go by, he realised that his infatuation for Steve was not something to be taken lightly. It started growing out of control up to the point where he couldn't be in the same room with him without wanting to kiss him stupid, or even worse cuddle with him.

And at first, it really isn't an all-consuming thing. But as always with dear old Tony Stark, things go downhill very quickly.

***

The worst comes one night while Tony is sitting on the floor of his living room nursing a drink and looking out into the vastness of New York City. Steve has been living in Washington for the last two months, and sometimes Tony wishes that he wasn't so damn needy and clingy about someone that wasn't even his boyfriend.

He is so drunk he barely registers Natasha sitting down beside him. She looks at him with pitying eyes and takes the glass out of his hand.

"You know, this will only make it worse."

"I know," he mumbles back, "I can feel it."

"You need to tell him."

"Can't."

"Why not?"

Tony looks at the glittering city before him, eyes tracing the skyline while the world spins from more than just the alcohol. Tony shrugs, "Just can't."

"Well, we will have to find something else for you to do. You can't keep drinking your nights away because of some crush."

Tony shrugs again, "I have the money."

"That's not the problem," Natasha finishes the last of the drink and puts the glass on the floor, "you and I both know that."

"I know."

"Good," She looks at him, and a small smile takes over her features, "now, care to explain what sent you down this hole?"

"No."

She laughs, and he starts to talk.

***

The next morning they wake up in the same spot that they dozed off the night before.

His joints ache, and his head demands that he goes back to sleep, but the watch on the super spy's wrist simply won't shut up.

"SHIELD?"

"Unfortunately."

"Steve?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Shut up." And sort of like an afterthought, "Will I see you later?"

"Of course."

***

Tony doesn't hear from Natasha or Steve until after SHIELD falls and they come back to New York with a few new friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look man, I'm trying not to make many Queen references while writing this but (1) I feel like Freddie Mercury probably was someone Tony Stark looked up to and (2) I just saw Bohemian Rhapsody and I cannot physically shut up about it.
> 
> Also, sorry for taking so long to update. My life has been a mess lately, I hope the chapter makes up for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Now I'm writing not one but _two _multichapter fics. Someone please give me a little bit of common sense.__


End file.
